While I am Still Here|What am I doing Here?

I was reading today, March 8, 2020 and Joel Osteen asked, have you settled somewhere way beneath what you know God has put in you? Have you given up on a dream, or let go of a promise, because it didn't happen the first time? What are you doing there? Long story short, I have so much in me. I am full of talent, ideas, creativity and potential. What am I doing here?

Have you settled somewhere way beneath what you know God has put in you? That question right there tugged hard on my heart strings. I am thankful for my job. God knows that I am. But the truth of the matter is my place of work is very toxic. This isn't something that I came up with either. I once spoke to a therapist about my place of employment and she was the one who told me that my job is toxic. It was the perfect statement. I admit that my job is mentally exhausting. It isn't the job itself. It is the working conditions and the constant lack of staff that gives this job pause. It is the people, always the people and the lack thereof. What am I doing here?

Yes, I have settled somewhere way beneath what I know God has put in me. I am full of talents, ideas, creativity and potential, yet I am settling. I am settling for the mediocre job security. I am settling for the stagnation of having a long-term job. I am settling for the great benefits with the poor pay increases. Yes, I have settled somewhere way beneath what I know God has put in me. I graduated both from a medical tech school and a 4-year university and yet, I am settling for a job that doesn't make me feel good about my life and the decisions I have made outside of the multiple accomplishments I have achieved since I've been working here the past 13 years. What am I doing here?

It made me flashback to that one or multiple times a coworker of mine kept asking me, what are you doing still sitting at that desk? I use to be so offended. Then I came to the realization that there were no causes for offense. She was simply reminding me, God was reminding me through her that I was way too talented to be just sitting at a desk at a job that wasn't utilizing my talents and gifts. I didn't catch it then, way back when, for at this desk I still sit. I have been stuck, going around in circles for years lost simply because I have been afraid to step out of this security box. However, in this wilderness of a job I have accomplished many things personally and I know for a surefire fact that God is about to deliver me from this wilderness into my Promised Land. I am no longer settling for things beneath what God has put in me. I am going to become everything God has created me to be. What am I doing here? What am I doing with my life?

This all got me to thinking about September 28, 2019, when my father preached my Great Grandmother's funeral. His message was very clear and entitled, While you are still here. It was the perfect time to reflect on our future. Here we were, my family and I, our hearts and minds remembering the love of my Great Grandmother and all that she was to us. In this time of mourning and thinking about past events it made sense to switch our thoughts to focus on the present and future. What are we doing with the life we have on earth while we are still here? What are you doing with your time? Your thoughts? Your peace? Your love?

While I am still here if I never let my circumstances, obstacles and disappointments kill my confidence in God; I would soon stand before the most powerful men and be able to shine!

Let me express to you all what I will be doing while I am still here.

While I am still here I will be the best version of myself. I will forgive all those who have hurt me as well as forgive myself. I will become a multi best selling author. I will become a world renowned poet. I will win a Pulitzer prize for my words. I will have a televised sit down with Oprah and Ellen. I will uplift and motivate others to know that they are confident powerful and enough. I will be financially free while I am still here. I will create better memories. I will be so successful I and my family will never have to worry about poverty and the financial struggle again.

While I am still here I will change the world for the better. I will allow my voice to be heard and respected. While I am still here I will be respected by everyone who comes into my presence. I will have daily reminders that I am the righteousness of God and that with God, all things are possible. While I am still here I will create, direct and produce billion dollar grossing, top of the box-office chart movies. I will write the best songs ever written within various genres that will win me multiple Grammy awards.

While I am still here I will stay motivated, stay positive and stay consistently happy. I will be at peace. I will write the vision and make it plain upon tables so that he will run that reads it. I will be a person of social influence. I am the peoples poet and a household name. While I am still here I will create witty inventions that will benefit the entire world. While I am still here, I will write books that will touch millions of people. While I am still here my current salary will change to $100,000 this year.

While I am still here I choose to live and not die. Suicide is not an option for me. Peace be still. While I am still here I will be still knowing that God is All-Powerful and I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

I will do what I can and God will do what I cannot do. While I am still here, I am blessed to be a blessing to others. While I am still here I will speak faith filled words and continue to inspire, uplift and motivate myself and others.

I ask you, while you are still here, what will you be doing?

Marcia S. McNeill

Words By Marcia

Poet|Author|Songwriter

Inspire|Uplift|Motivate