Choose, Chose, Chosen

I choose to be happy. I chose to be happy. I was chosen to be happy.

I choose to love myself. I chose to love myself. I was chosen to love myself.

The choices that we make determine the life that we live.

In order for me to make a difference in the lives of others, I first have to make a difference in my own life.

There comes a point in your life where you have to stop doing what is deemed right for other people and do what's right for yourself.

Love yourself enough to make the choice to leave a detrimental situation.

|Flashback| October 30, 2013| Choosing to love myself & be happy

Honestly, I just started loving myself at the end of last year. For three years I absolutely KNEW I didn't love myself, for I did any and every thing for others always putting myself and how I feel at the bottom or very deep beneath the totem pole. One can't possibly love themselves if they keep allowing people to run over them and treat them like pure shit...and that's what I use to do. There would be times when I cried everyday out of the week. I knew I didn't love me. There were times when I just accepted being the other woman when I was the main woman. I didn't love me. There were times when I put a man before my kids decade or so ago. I knew I didn't love me. There were multiple times when I contemplated suicide, started cutting myself, was verbally, emotionally and physically abused, lied to myself thinking everything would be okay when I knew it wouldn't, cheated for attention, ate food just to eat, not caring about my weight, craved attention of others, broke my own stuff, let people take advantage of me, and steal...all things I did and went through showed me that I did not love myself. Asked God for signs and every sign I blocked. By blocking His signs, I continuously blocked my many blessings. The final sign I asked God for, I took! Got out, and started loving me first.What I do know now is that I have come a very very very long way. And yes, I've fallen many times on my path to love myself but as long as I don't stay down, I will always get back up and rise up! Loving yourself takes a lot of dedication, but know this, it is impossible to love others if you don't first love yourself. Don't settle for less, know your worth. People will come and go, but YOU will always be here for YOU. I know now I deserve better and I have better. Thank you thank you God for that in Jesus name, Amen!

Present day 2020

I actually came across this note that I had written on Facebook in 2013 today. Over 6 years ago.

What I have come to realize that it is truthful what Donnie McClurken said, "we fall down, but we get up." Looking back on this note, I can be truthful in saying that since October 2013 I have fallen back down so many times when it comes to other people, I've lost count. My fall and rise with other people has all been on a tremendously long journey to love myself as God loves me. Throughout my 38 years on this Earth, I have experienced sexual, physical, verbal/emotional, mental/psychological, and financial/economic abuse. In that order.

Within less than a year of writing that post, I was in another abusive relationship. Except this time was with a verbally abusive alcoholic. I eventually left that relationship and ended up in a relationship with a financially abusive person. A few months after that relationship ended I found myself back in the original abusive relationship I had been in and out for the past 19+ years.

Thankfully, I come here to proudly say to you today, I am currently not in any abusive relationship. Looking back on the history of my relationships with the ones closest to me, I can say that I ended up choosing to be happy every time. I was chosen by God to be happy and what I feel today is that there are many obstacles I had to overcome to get to the greatness that God himself is providing for me.

The journey isn't always about a clear cut path that has no mountains and no roadblocks. God will take you through the wilderness for a long long time to get you to the promise land. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my God is good and every single thing that has been meant to destroy and kill me has been designed to strengthen me and keep me for greater. The year 2020 is my greater and my what's next is going to blow my mind! I am here on purpose, for a purpose and that purpose is to fulfill God's plans. Through my voice and sharing my stories of overcoming, glory and victory, I will save many lives. What you must know is that I could not have done it without God being with me all the time, all the way. God was always there even when I felt abandoned and alone.

The Bible says, "come and listen...and I will tell you what [God] has done for me."

As I stated in the beginning, choose to be happy and love yourself for you were chosen to be happy and love yourself first. The choices that we make determine the life that we will live. God wants His people to live happy lives and to love themselves first.

I chose to be happy and love myself then.

I choose to be happy and love myself now.

I am chosen to be happy and love myself for the rest of my life.

Marcia S. McNeill

Words By Marcia

Poet| Author| Songwriter

Inspire| Uplift| Motivate