THE NEW SELFISH

Since when did not wanting to spend your money on your own self become selfish?

It seems to me that I have a whole lot to learn about what is selfish today in 2017. I didn't know that being frugal as I like to call it, was really an issue for other people besides myself. I like the finer things in life just as well as the next person. However, I feel as though just because I have great credit and greater credit limits than most the people I know, that my credit is my credit and should remain as such. Just because I have the funds to by expensive flights, coach bags, famous labels etc., doesn't mean I should spend my money on those things even in cases of emergencies.

People would say that I have money put away for a rainy day. I would say, I have money put away for my future. I have more than one savings account and as a matter of fact, I just opened a High yield savings account last week to merge all of my savings into one account. Now, buying the latest shoes may arouse some people. But watching my accounts grow bigger daily arouses me more.

Is it selfish because I don't choose to buy myself things when I can very well afford them? Hmm, that is the question of the hour. I honestly can't say that for me it is. I have heard other people be called selfish for the same thing. I fall under a type of person who will give it to and buy for others than buy it for myself. I have wanted a brand new Coach purse for as long as I can remember (over 5 years) and still have not found the gull to make that type of purchase. Many women would not have a problem dropping that kind of money on a mere purse or way more. However, I have an issue with it. My first question when considering a purchase like that would have to be, am I going to wear this purse for the next five years? Nope, I am sure that I won't and people don't wear their designer bag past a few months. Now my car, I plan to keep for the next ten years so it didn't bother me making that type of purchase.

The same thing goes with the clothing stores. I'd rather shop at Ross than go to a high end store in the mall. I have been made fun of for wanting to spend my money at that store. I love Ross honestly, well at least I use to.

Once upon a time, I was given $500 from an ex whom at the time I was in a relationship with. My ex had gotten a promotion and wanted to share with me the blessings. I was given three options of how the blessing would be shared with me. I chose the $500 for shopping. Now my first mind was to go to Ross and rack up right with one half and put the other half in the bank. I mean because you did give the money to me to spend on me right? I later found out, after going to Burlington Coat factory to pick out clothes with my ex that the $500 should have been used to go to someplace like Macy's and not off the clearance rack either. First things first. I don't shop at Macy's unless it is for my oldest son. Second, if I were to shop at Macy's, it definitely would be off the clearance rack which I believe is not clearance in that particular store at all. My ex literally got mad with me because I wanted to go to Burlington and Ross instead of Macy's or somewhere even more expensive. I was clearly told that they didn't care if I got one item for the whole $500. That at least it was me not being cheap. I guess that time in my life I was being selfish towards myself again. I had to break it down to my ex though that you gave me the money so that I can shop for clothes. If you wanted me to not go to Ross or Burlington, then you should have just taken me to Macy's your damn self and either picked out my clothes or told me to pick whatever I wanted without limits to looking at the price tags.

I mean, isn't that nice to not have to be concerned about the price on the tags? But, that is not my style. I ended up buying clothes where I wanted and spending the other half on getting my hair done professionally.

The moral of that story here was simply just go buy it for me if you have a problem with how I choose to buy for myself. It is that simple. Don't try to bless me with your stipulations. Because I am going to do it the way I've always done it, and that is by not spending all the money, getting something nice still, while saving money into my account for my future.

Please, please, please don't call me selfish because I don't spend my money on myself. Some folks should be happy that I don't spend all of my money on myself and my kids because then I wouldn't have any funds left to bless other people in my life. And believe me that I am well aware of the fact that when you help someone, you should never throw it up back into their faces. When you help someone, you should not help them with stipulations. If some have felt in the past that I have done this myself, then I do sincerely apologize. That has never been my intention. I just sometimes feel that people have to be reminded of how you've helped them because they will keep asking and asking and then have the audacity to get mad as hell with you because you say one no after fifty yeses. Reminds me of that Beyoncé song, the first time I say no, is like I never said yes.

I have a friend that I just recently found out that I was giving money to, to help to sustain them out of a bad situation and for a good cause when the money I was giving was going to fund some illegal activity and eventually place them in a worse situation in their life. At some point, you can't get mad when I say no to help you. I have been burned by so many people that it is not funny. And a lot of these people just could not pay me back and that clearly wasn't their fault. Is it the fault of the new people that come in my life that may need my help, no absolutely not. But some have to understand how I feel about my money and how much I have lost helping others help themselves. And if I am going to be considered selfish for not spending on myself, what exactly then would I be called for not wanting to spend on others?

I don't want to be called selfish, nor do I want everyone to assume I have the money and credit to give and help everyone when I am not helping myself. The point here is that, if I don't use my money to enhance myself, why the hell should I use it to enhance so many others? I guess, I am the new selfish.